im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
