every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
