Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
