I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
