Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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