you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
