It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
