think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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