areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize