went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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