**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
