Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
