i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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