What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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