I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
