omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
