I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
