i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
