I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
