How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
