Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
