How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
