I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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