In America we eat man semen.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
