"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize