Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
