Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
