Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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