It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
