He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's the barista slut.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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