why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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