Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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