She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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