i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
