so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
