I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
