ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
