wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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