your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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