I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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