2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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