I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
