I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
