I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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