You're completely useless in the revolution.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
