He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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