Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
