I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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