I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
