I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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