and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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