yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
