Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
