i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
