i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
