I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
