tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
