piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
