Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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