new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
