i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
