you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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