...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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