don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
