Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
