it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
