Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
