I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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