Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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